Back At It!

Thursday, August 28 - Day 27 of 33

Thursday I went back for treatment, and the nurse checked my skin. She gave me the option to wait a little longer, but I told her I just wanted to get these last two whole-breast sessions over and done. Yes, I’ll be sore and injured - but we’ll be done.

I also suggested that my five remaining booster treatments be spread over two weeks instead of doing them back-to-back. That way, I can give my skin more time to heal between sessions. She said that was a great idea and agreed to the change.

So I went ahead with my radiation session. Afterward, I had to stay on the table while the machine performed several scans to prep for the upcoming booster sessions. Those will be more focused on the surgical site - the area that was the primary concern from my original mammograms and lumpectomy. What they call the “surgical bed.” That was a little scary and confusing because the CT parts of the machine were buzzing and making noise, but then the radiation part of the machine started buzzing also! I was scared I was getting radiation again?! But the nurses assured me that it was part of the "picture taking" they were doing and no radiation was happening.

Friday, August 29 - Day 28 of 33

Last night, I decided not to use Aquaphor at bedtime. I’ve been reading that some people think it can “trap the heat” in the skin and may contribute to moist desquamation. Since that’s exactly what I’m dealing with, I wanted to see if skipping it might help.

And this morning… I actually think my skin feels a little better. Maybe it’s helping, or maybe I’m just having a random good day. Either way, it feels like a small win.

I’m still keeping up with moisturizers and using lidocaine for relief, but today, I chose not to slather myself in Silvadene. I’m using Miaderm instead, just experimenting to see what feels best as I approach the end.

Friday was also my final full-breast treatment. When I left the facility, I lightly tapped the bell with my fingernails. I know I haven’t officially “rung the bell” yet, but this felt like a small victory - so I made sure to hear it ring just a little bit.

I’m also working on gifts and thank-you notes for everyone at the cancer center. These people have stood by me during the most difficult and terrifying time in my life, and I feel such enormous gratitude for all of them.

And now… a three day weekend to heal and rest and recover. Next week starts the booster sessions. I am almost done!

A Pause

Monday, August 25 - Day 26 of 33

After the pain and discomfort from the weekend, I felt awful going to radiation today. I am emotionally drained, and I feel like I am physically at my limit. I talked to the radiation techs and they looked at my skin. Everyone says this is normal and these things are expected, but I just can’t believe how miserable I feel.

Once I got positioned on the machine, I couldn’t stop myself - I started crying and tears ran down my face for the duration of the treatment. When it was done, the two radiation techs told me to just sit and rest for a minute. They gave me encouraging words and also made sure I would see the doctor before treatment tomorrow instead of after.

I sat in the dressing room and sobbed for a few minutes before I got dressed and headed out. I brought Silvadene and a fresh nonstick pad with me, so I did some maintenance before the drive home. The whole way, I felt like I was in a daze. I know it’s normal to feel this emotional, but I am still stunned this is happening to me, and I’m overwhelmed by what it all means for the rest of my life.

When I got home, I laid down for a while, then decided I needed to get moving. I walked around the backyard and saw my milkweed plants going to seed. I collected seeds and sprinkled them around the yard, hoping we’ll have more monarch butterflies next season. I even pushed myself to do housework - vacuuming and dishes and laundry.

I need to keep moving. I need to stay busy.

Tuesday, August 26 - PAUSE

After how bad I felt on Monday, the team asked me to stop and see the doctor before my radiation session today. Thankfully, she said I could take a couple of days off from treatment. That means no radiation on Tuesday or Wednesday. I’ll see her again on Thursday before treatment, and she’ll decide if I should take more time off or if I can continue. My end date will now be pushed back by two days, but I don’t mind at all. I really need this break. My skin is a mess, and I am just exhausted.

I was so grateful my husband was able to come with me today. It helps to have him there when I see the doctor - he keeps me grounded, helps me remember everything, and keeps me organized. The doctor is calling in a prophylactic antibiotic for my skin, and they also want me to take pain medication for the discomfort. The nurse explained that my injuries are similar to road rash, and she reassured me that I’m not being a baby by complaining about the pain. Both she and the doctor said they were actually amazed at how long I made it without major issues.

They mentioned that women with larger breasts tend to have more side effects, and the fact that I was able to get this far before things got bad enough to need a break was surprising to them. I’m just thankful to have this time off. I need it, and I plan to take good care of my skin and rest as much as possible. Hopefully by Thursday and Friday I’ll be able to get back on track and keep moving toward the finish line.

Wednesday, August 27 - Pause

I stayed home and rested all day. I had a bizarre reaction to the antibiotic they prescribed. It made me extremely drowsy and dizzy - I felt completely drugged. On top of that, I had a neck ache, which I later found out can also be a side effect. The whole experience was strange and unsettling.

I won’t be taking that medication again. They called in a new antibiotic for me, but I’ve decided to wait until Thursday to start it, just to give this first one time to fully leave my system.

I really needed this break. I am so thankful for the flexibility and I am sure it will help me survive the next few sessions.

I Just Have to Complain

I Just Have to Complain

This weekend has really brought me a lot of pain and discomfort. For some reason it felt like all the problems with my skin got worse at once, and by Saturday night I even sent a message to my care team asking if there was anything else I could do to help with the pain.

Several times, the pain last night was so sharp and wincing that it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. The open sores under my breast are absolutely killing me, and they make even the simplest movements difficult.

Now on Sunday, I feel drained. There’s discomfort all the time. The sharp pain only happens when I have to touch the areas that are raw, like when I put on Silvadene and cover it with a nonstick gauze pad. I had a hard time even getting out of bed this morning, and by 1:30 I had to lay back down.

I have so many things I need to be doing, but I’m just too exhausted. Grocery shopping, laundry, and housework will all have to wait.

I keep thinking about how much money I’ve spent on supplies throughout this experience. Different lotions, ointments, soaps, gauze pads, special bras, and even soft t-shirts that won’t rub my skin the wrong way. It feels like I’ve had to build a whole new wardrobe and stock a little pharmacy just to get through this.

This has become a full-time job in itself. Saline soaks. Moisturizer. Lidocaine. Silvadene. Nonstick pads. Laundry to keep the clean bras in rotation. And that doesn’t even include the daily shower, the endless product applications, or the drive back and forth to radiation.

I’m thankful that my job has let me step back for a while. When eventually I feel strong enough, I can work a few days, but at this point I need to just focus on taking care of myself. That grace has made this grueling routine possible.

Still, I can’t believe I have to keep going for 8 more sessions. I’m reaching the point of feeling horrified at the thought of more damage. I feel like crying and curling up in bed. Maybe that’s what I should do - stop trying to be so stoic and strong all the time. Maybe allowing myself to cry myself to sleep will help somehow. Right now, I just feel sorry for myself, overwhelmed with sadness and also I can’t help second guessing this whole situation. The first half of radiation wasn’t so bad. But now going into the second half, radiation has been very hard, and it isn’t going to get easier anytime soon. Today, everything just feels impossible.

What’s on the Horizon

What to Expect in My Final 8 Days of Radiation

I’m officially down to my last stretch of radiation treatments. Monday will be day 26, and from there I only have 8 sessions left: 3 regular treatments, then 5 boost treatments. Here’s what the timeline looks like and what I’ve been told (and already started to feel) I can expect.

Days 26–28 (Mon–Wed, Aug 25–27)

These are my final 3 whole-breast treatments at 180 cGy.

• Skin reactions usually peak at this point - redness, peeling, darkening, and soreness may all intensify.
• Fatigue also tends to be the worst near the end of full-breast radiation. I may feel like my energy is scooped out, and naps might become non-negotiable.
• This is the stage where consistent skin care matters the most: saline soaks, ointments, creams, and gauze padding to protect the skin.

Day 29 (Thu, Aug 28)

The start of the boost phase.

• Boosts are different because they target just the tumor site instead of the whole breast.
• Treatments are quicker, but the irritation will be concentrated in that one smaller area.

Day 30 (Fri, Aug 29)

The second boost treatment.

• By the end of this day, I’ll have completed all 28 regular sessions plus 2 boosts.
• The boost zone may start feeling more tender or stinging, since it’s a smaller and more focused beam.

3-Day Weekend (Sat–Mon, Aug 30–Sept 1)

No treatments, but still part of the process.

• Radiation effects continue to build even when treatments pause, so skin reactions may actually feel worse before they get better.
• The break will give me a little time to rest, stay hydrated, and keep up with my skin care.

Days 31–33 (Tue–Thu, Sept 2–4)

The final 3 boost treatments at 200 cGy.

• By this point, irritation will likely be at its peak in the boost zone.
• Fatigue may linger, but it usually doesn’t get much worse during boosts.
• Reaching the finish line often brings mixed emotions: relief, pride, exhaustion, and sometimes a strange “what now?” feeling.

After It’s All Done

• Skin: Reactions typically peak about one week after the last treatment (around Sept 11) and then slowly start to heal. It can take 2–4 weeks for the skin to settle down, though some color changes may last longer.
• Energy: Fatigue fades gradually. Some people bounce back quickly, while for others it takes a couple of months.
• Next steps: My doctor will keep monitoring healing and help guide me into the next phase of recovery.

My Survival Reminders

• Keep up with skin care daily - especially over weekends.
• Wear soft, loose fabrics to reduce irritation.
• Rest when my body tells me to; healing is work.
• Drink water and eat small, nourishing meals to support recovery.

25 of 33 - Week #5

25 of 33 – Week 5

I’ve made it through another week, and now I have just 8 visits left. I am so desperate for this to be over, yet I can’t believe it’s almost done.

This week brought more than just daily radiation appointments. On Monday, I saw the oral surgeon about a broken tooth that will need to be pulled. Just what I needed - another nightmare to juggle on top of everything else.

On Tuesday, I saw my radiation doctor, and she told me that the skin reactions I’m having are actually quite mild. She doesn’t expect things to get much worse from here. If this is the worst of it, I’ll be so relieved - though I’ll only fully believe it once the whole process is over. Still, it was wonderful to hear that she thinks I’m doing very well and that my skin is holding up. That gave me a little boost of hope.

Even so, my skin is breaking down badly at this point. Blisters, peeling, pain, tenderness, and swelling are my new reality. Most of my day is spent on skin maintenance. Saline soaks, silvadene, lotion, aquaphor, ice packs, etc. When this is over, I think I will be most relieved to just be living like a normal person and not constantly applying ointment or lotion or ice!

Tuesday afternoon, I decided to treat myself to a spa facial because I needed something to help me feel normal again. My skin feels dull, and I think the stress and water retention have aged me during this process. Hopefully, a little pampering will perk me up.

On Wednesday, I saw my endocrinologist for my regular checkup. Then on Thursday, I had an ultrasound as part of the preparation for my upcoming oophorectomy. 🍉 I also brought a big bowl of fresh watermelon cubes for my radiation team. I like to treat them nice since they’re always so kind to me and helping to save my life!

On Friday, my sister came with me to my appointment. It was so nice to have company for the drive and to share a little of what my daily routine is like. She got to see the radiation machine, meet some of the other patients I chat with in the waiting room, and see firsthand the burns and changes my skin is going through. That part is tough - the blistering and peeling under my breast is hard to face, and my underarm is an angry, screaming red. Thankfully, my underarm hasn’t broken down into blistering or peeling… yet.

Throughout all of this, my Tesla has brought me more comfort and joy than I ever could have imagined. The drive is actually something I look forward to each day. It’s fun, modern, and just overall the greatest car ever. One of my favorite features is summoning it to me when I’m done with radiation - it feels so cute and remarkable every time. Today it was especially handy because it was pouring rain, and my car came right up to the porte cochere to pick up my sister and me. I’ll forever be thankful to my husband for giving me this modern beauty to help carry me through the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Even with those struggles, I keep coming back to what my doctor said: that things are holding up well and shouldn’t get much worse from here. That gives me hope. Every appointment takes effort, but each one brings me another step closer to the finish line - and now I can finally see it.

Still, I can’t help feeling sorry for myself and sad that this is happening. I’m doing everything I can to keep my skin and body in good shape, but there’s only so much a tiny mouse can do against modern medicine and a $5 million IMRT machine. I will be so relieved when this is over. My heart aches for what I’ve had to endure - and for what still lies ahead.

20 of 33 - Week #4

 

20 sessions done – 13 more to go.

This week began just past the halfway mark in my radiation treatments. The finish line feels closer now, but each day still brings its own challenges. Right around the 3rd week, my skin started to show the strain. The rash under my breast has spread along my ribs, and the Florida heat makes it worse. Some areas are darkening like a tan, while others are itchy and tender. The skin between my breasts has also become feeling “tight.” It is so thin over my sternum that I sometimes feel as if it could split if I am not careful. At night, I roll up a soft washcloth and tuck it between my breasts to keep the skin from pressing together or rubbing. 

To manage all of this, my doctor has me using Silvadene ointment, saline soaks, and a soft nonstick gauze pad. It is more maintenance than I feel like dealing with, on top of the constant application of lotion and aquaphor, but it does help.

On top of the skin issues, I am also dealing with all-over swelling from water retention, which leaves me puffy looking and adds a few pounds. And then there is the fatigue. It does not come every day, but when it hits it feels like my energy has been scooped out from the inside. I am learning to listen to my body and rest when it asks me to. Plus, today I had an upset stomach, related? Doubtful. But everything that happens, it makes me wonder if its radiation induced.

There is an emotional weight to this process too. Some days, walking into the building and seeing the waiting room full of patients stirs a heavy sadness. It reminds me of the reality we are all facing, and sometimes it leaves me feeling melancholy or even a little panicky. All these people, all facing cancer of different sorts, with other health or personal issues that they are juggling also. It’s just overwhelmingly sad to see the lobby packed with people, and know they’re all going through some really tough times. Of course, the nurses and staff are always kind, and I walk out smiling with a “see you tomorrow,” but inside I am still stunned this is happening to me. I try to keep it all in perspective, but there are moments when I feel very alone and discouraged.

On the brighter side, all my recent bloodwork came back exactly as hoped. No surprises, no bad news - just steady results that feel like a small relief in the midst of so many disappointments. At home, the quiet of an empty house has been a gift. I did not realize how much harder it was to care for myself with others in the house until I had the space again.

Through all of this, the drive to and from treatment has become one of the simple joys of my day. It is a straight-shot road with little traffic, and I use the time to listen to audiobooks, catch up on podcasts, or talk with friends and family. That quiet drive has turned into my small window of peace – a moment to breathe before returning home to focus on healing.

Now I find myself wondering how it will feel when this is all over. My daily drives will be behind me, and I will have time again for other things. With some healing, maybe I can feel like myself again. I hold onto that hope as I move through these last 13 sessions. My end date is still on schedule for September 4th.

15 of 33 - Week #3

Week Three Done - Halfway There!

This week marks about the halfway point in my treatment plan, and I’m so glad to be moving toward the finish line.

Got my Tesla windows tinted on Monday, which will make the daily drive much more comfortable. I also brought cookies for the radiation team - half sprinkles, half chocolate chip - as a thank you for their kindness. Thinking of making it a little tradition.

On Tuesday, my husband came along for the first time, saw how they position me on the machine, and got an open invitation from the doctor to watch a full session sometime. She prescribed Silvadene for a light rash under my breast, just to be safe. I also met a counselor at CSNF who’s there if I need support.

Dental news I did not want: tooth #14 has a broken root and must be pulled, and tooth #15 needs a root canal retreat. I’m crushed to be facing this while still in treatment, especially with my oophorectomy still ahead.

Stopped at Quest Diagnostics for bloodwork on Friday. It was awkward because the tech acted like he couldn’t do both orders in one visit, but he finally did. The labs are for my endocrinologist and pre-op planning.

Halfway Celebration

I’ve finished 15 of 33 sessions. Technically halfway will be after 16.5, but I’m calling it now - this is my halfway win! So far, radiation has gone smooth and uneventful. Praying it keeps going like this!

Thoughts and Rambling Today

A Little Update About Products

I think it’s important to mention this right up front - I live in Florida, and it’s summer. That means 100° days with 100% humidity are just part of the deal. So anything that’s uncomfortable during treatment? Multiply that by ten. The heat and humidity have definitely made things more challenging, especially when it comes to skincare and staying fresh during radiation.

Deodorant

I know I’m not supposed to use deodorants or antiperspirants with aluminum during treatment, so I picked up a few alternatives to try.

Cornstarch - Just plain ol’ cornstarch. I actually like it for powdering my skin, but when it comes to odor? It doesn’t really help.

Tom’s of Maine (Lavender scent) - The scent is lovely, but it doesn’t do much for odor. It’s basically like putting perfume over a bad smell. It’s better than nothing, but not a real solution.

Arla Non-Metallic Deodorant - I also bought a product called Arla, which is specifically designed to be safe for cancer patients. It was developed by an oncologist and uses gentle, non-metallic ingredients. That all sounded great, but unfortunately, it did nothing to help with controlling odor - so I’m not too keen on it.

🏆 Native Deodorant - I think I found a winner! Native uses baking soda to help kill odor, and so far, it’s doing the trick. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how well it works. It’s aluminum-free, so I can use it any time - even on treatment days.

Lotions

I’ve bought so many lotions, but I think I’ve finally narrowed it down to the two I like best.

Miaderm - I use this after my morning shower, about three hours before radiation. It’s super light and absorbs quickly, which I love. It doesn’t leave any residue and my skin feels great afterward.

Aquaphor - This is my go-to before bed. I apply a generous layer to lock in moisture overnight, and it keeps my skin soft and hydrated. I wear a soft bra to protect my sheets, then sleep in a comfy shirt or dress to help everything stay in place.

Trying (and Failing) to Explore

I still haven’t taken the time to check out any restaurants or places to grab a smoothie or a snack near the CSNF office. I keep meaning to find something to do after radiation, but I usually just want to get back home - so I hop in the car and head out. I did stop at the Walmart across the street once to grab a couple of things I needed, but that doesn’t really count as a fun outing!

Still Juggling It All

I also scheduled a stop at Quest for a blood draw on Friday the 8th. It’s for other doctors and has nothing to do with radiation. It’s weird having to keep up with everything else - appointments, labs, paperwork - when it already feels like radiation should be enough to deal with on its own. But life keeps rolling, and I guess I do too.

10 of 33 - Week #2

Second Week Done - 10 Treatments In!

Today marked treatment number 10 - one full punch card down! That leaves 23 more to go. I’ve officially wrapped up week two and I’m feeling pretty good about it.

So far, my skin is holding up really well. No redness, no pink. Every morning, I apply Miaderm lotion before heading to treatment. When I get home, I sometimes do another round of Miaderm, and before bed, I slather on a nice thick layer of Aquaphor. So far, that routine seems to be working well.

Last night, I thought I noticed a light tan developing on my right breast. Maybe it’s just my imagination - I’m hyper-aware of every little change right now. But a slight tan is something they say will happen, so maybe I’m just starting to see the first signs.

Deodorant has been a bit of a challenge. I’m not supposed to wear any before treatment, and since it’s summer in Florida… let’s just say my right underarm isn’t always as fresh as I’d like. It’s a small thing, but still frustrating.

On Tuesday, I had my weekly check-in with my radiation oncologist. She said everything looks great and she’s very happy with how things are going. That’s a huge relief, but I also know these early weeks are usually the easiest. The real challenge comes later, as the cumulative effects build up. I’m hopeful I’ll sail through without major issues, but I’m also staying realistic.

That same day, I also met with a new gynecologist for a consultation about the BRIP1 mutation. We discussed surgery to remove my ovaries, and I’ll be moving forward with that later this year. I’ve got a blood test and an ultrasound lined up as part of the prep. Honestly, I’m not too worried - it sounds pretty straightforward. I’m thinking November might be a good time for the procedure. That way, I’ll have time to recover from radiation and enjoy a little stretch of feeling normal before diving into another big thing.

By the way - did you know they now offer nitrous oxide for gynecological procedures? How amazing is that? It’s about time!

On Thursday, I went in for a regular dental cleaning and checkup. I’m trying to keep up with every aspect of my health, even in the midst of all this. Appointments like these matter, too. I know I need to do more on the dental front, which is frustrating - there just isn’t a lot of free time right now. But it is what it is. I’ll handle it.

I feel most at ease when things are planned and organized. Once radiation is behind me, I think I’ll be able to truly exhale. Right now, it’s the anticipation and uncertainty that feel the hardest. But each completed session is one step closer to the finish line.

And let me just say - weekends feel like a gift now. No radiation, no long drives... and I get to wear deodorant again! It really is the little things.